You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
