between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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