Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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