Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
