I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
