You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
