who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
