Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
