i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
