I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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