I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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