wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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