just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sarcasm needs its own font
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
