I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
