tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
