I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
its liver damage thursday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
