i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
