The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
