is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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