so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
