So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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