I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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