can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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