Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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