Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
