like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
