I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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