Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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