I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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