my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize