Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
