if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
