I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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