Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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