xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
