Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
