dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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