I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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