The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
