Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
