You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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