I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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