At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
