Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
