How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
