based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
