some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I used snow as a chaser
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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