When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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