I hate your face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
