you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
