great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
