Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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