I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
