you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
