remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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