gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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