you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
