Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
