Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
