just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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