My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
