: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
