I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
