He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
