soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
