Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
