I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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