We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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