Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
