the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize