it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
