I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize