u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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