Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
