don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
