There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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