Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
